Raptor Bath

 I've actually got another post I want to write about a particular fandom I'm part of... sort of... but for now I'm going to stick to some Baby related humor.

 Yesterday in an attempt to calm down Bean, who was pretty much alternating between big swings of "I love everyone" and "Wailing rage", I decided to try and give him a bath. At this point he was already hacked off to high levels because I made the unforgivable mistake of trying to get him to nap, so he looked at me like someone betrayed by his last friend as I got him ready for the bath, then immediately turned into 'Velcro Baby' when I picked him up. ((this state is when Baby latches on with a ferocious deathgrip of surprising power and will not let go.))

 So I take Velcro with me to the bathroom figuring if I share a tub with him maybe he'll freak out a bit less. Security and all that.  Everything goes fine as we sit down and he sits on my lap, still with his tiny little claws dug into my flesh.

 Eventually he starts to relax, and I make my next mistake: Trying to place baby butt into water deeper than a centimeter. The scene that followed, with a bit of 'scream' translation was pretty much like this:


 Me: "Ok lets get you cleaned up, see? The water's nice and warm...."

 Bean: <OHMYGOD THERE ARE BABY EATING RAPTOR-CLOWNS IN THE WATER! SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!>

 Me: JEEZUS! OK! OK! I've got you!! ((Return baby to lap))

 Bean: ((CLINGS LIKE SUPERGLUE and is silent again.))


Eventually I did actually get him to relax before the water got cold, and he even let me lower him into the water so he could play a little, kicking his feet in slow motion and being fascinated by how moving water feels, but pretty much all of the actual bathing part was done by pouring water on him as he clung to me like a very wide eyed growth. 


 And that, folks, was the incident that shall be forever known as: RAPTOR BATH.